Vulnerable among vultures

I know crazy title... but something about vulnerability can make me feel like I'll be picked clean by vultures.  We watched a video in pre-service that I am going to try to share here. I don't know where Brene Brown is spiritually but truth is worth sharing.

I would like to say I practice vulnerability often. But actually I spend a lot of time sneaking out the back door before you can pin me down and ask me how I'm doing. Because I know that I am naked. Frightfully naked.

I would like to think that if you were to ask- I would be quite open before you. I really have a problem telling lies. Even little lies like "Fine, I am just fine". If I say that to you, it is most likely the truth unless I haven't had a second to perform the internal lie detector test. I have somehow inherited this curse blessing from my mom.

That is why social activities and just saying hello can be so dreadfully difficult. Every moment of almost every conversation feels painfully awkward.

Me naked and you with a mask on.

Are those issued when babies are born? Cause I'm telling you- I really could use one!

Now not every conversation is like that. I sometimes meet others that didn't get a mask either. That is always a delight to find. A bit awkward at first (two naked people!) but so refreshing and comfortable.

I would liken it to being drunk without the alcohol to blame for any social mistakes. I have heard that alcohol has that same effect of making the masks come off and everyone has a great conversation or time. Until the pictures go on Facebook!

but more often I find people who have a mask but misplaced it. Or maybe the mask they had has fallen off.

Accidentally.

Or maybe on purpose.

God sometimes tosses them in the trash while they have gone to a closet to recover from a difficult situation.  He's quite hilarious with His business of making us righteous. Hilarious and painful...

But writing, because it is recorded, and talking are two extremely difficult things to do without your mask on. I can see much clearer- but even that brings into sharp focus how really pitiful I look naked next to you with your glamorous mask.

Speaking of pitiful...have you looked at the quality of those masks. Quite flimsy. And I want you to know, those of you with body size masks, that hide almost all of you,

 I will love you anyway.

 If you have taken the time to put up with my awkward social graces, and poor attempts at conversation or blogging~ I am listening.

You can peak over the top of your mask...and say hello to me. If you make a quick exit out the backdoor... I understand. I am quite terrified too.  I will not hold it against you...

Service Sunday: conversations about sin

I am listening, as we all do. I like this community- this oneness. I hear their collective sighs as they come to understand each other or hear the truth said. The tension that builds as we wait patiently for the words to come out. Sometimes the words strangle in the throat and fight to stay trapped. But they long to hear. I long to hear too. We are all trying to understand, trying to grasp this Oneness of Him. The words come and we sit and think. “Is that it? Do I think that too? What is the Truth?” Because all men lie but He doesn't.

“Say more...” Is a common request when they want to hear more. They want to understand better or maybe they agree and want to hear it said in your words. So he asks, this shepherd trying to hear what the flock heard.

I have thought a lot about what all was said. The words I scrawled to remember.

“Sin can be our way back to God.”

“Is sin our only way back to God?”

hmm... I think I remember some words written about that. I write that down. I want to look at that again. Who was that?

“What is sin?”

“...disbelief about the goodness of God...” those words bring that sigh within me and more thoughts.

“What happens when we sin?”

I know this only to well, so I blurt it out. “Separation. Separation of relationships, relationships with God and others.”

“What did Jesus do about sin when he encountered it?”

 We all know what he did with the religious who were seeped in pride. But what about those guys that He broke bread with... What would He do with my neighbor? My kids? What about me? All this filth that we can not be free of. What of that? I write that down too.

We read Lewis' words about not being surprised and how God is rebuilding our houses. He isn't just fixing the roof or the drain and making us into a cottage. He is busting out walls and building a mansion. I think I remember more that Lewis wrote. I find it in his book, Mere Christianity.

“I do mean that wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way.” -Lewis

I think about that, I really like to do that.

My sins are my way back to God. Every sin I carry and wrestle with are all about that broken relationship with Him. I take what He says was good and I distort it with my lack of trust in Him. I reject it or want more of it. I am never satisfied, never content to accept on His terms. I hold that fist up and want my way. And each time I acknowledge that with penitent heart, I find Him there. What Amazing Grace. It is a good thing He is God. We are a wreck... can you imagine if we were in charge.

So I think about the last question. “What is possible to the believer but impossible to unbelievers?”

They seem quite capable to love their neighbor, do good, stay in marriages, raise good kids. I wait, almost worried. Do we have anything else to offer? And then our shepherd and fellow traveler says what Jesus did and what He calls us to do.

“...delight and reveal the Father in every circumstance...”

I think of Him and the path He blazed for us. I want to do that. I want to crawl back each and every time and shine the light on Him. Delight and reveal... what if we Christians pursued that? What if I pursued that?