And then came the hard year when we watched his health vanish. For some reason, White River came to his heart and mind. Isn't it funny how God works in those little details? Why not Uganda, Puerto Rico, Egypt, Vietnam, Korea, Germany, Texas, Israel, or some other part of the world in which he had traveled? It wasn't as if he ever said that White River, SD was the best place he had ever visited. It was just another place he had gone. But White River, South Dakota came to his mind and he talked of my mom bringing me and the boys west to the middle of nowhere. Looking back I wish I would have asked more. Why there? Did he see around the bend for me?
Those Valley Springers back in Indiana talk about speaking into one another. They live it well as they encourage one another. I'm not sure how they say it exactly but I think of it like this. As Christians we ought to "encourage the brethren" and "speak truth" to one another. But what does that look like and how do we do that. Someone mentioned having a vision for another and encouraging them based on that vision. With all the people I know, I may have no clue of what God's plan is for their life. Perhaps I don't know them well enough or perhaps God hasn't given me any clue. That is ok. But there are a few, maybe only one or two, in which I do see them at a next stage. Not exactly like, "you are going to be a missionary..." but perhaps more like "I see you past this difficult stage and pursuing God" and "look at how you are actively chasing Him" in this way. I call it seeing around the bend. To be on the receiving end of those words, has saved me in my darkest moments. (Thank -you Geri... you saw faith when all I saw was fear. Those words you said have carried me far.)
So back to my dad... I like to think he saw around a bend and that God even gave him a location where I would land. Perhaps my dad knew of my love to drink a cup of coffee and visit. Perhaps he knew of how well I do with getting by with what I have. I know he knew that I would need healing and perhaps something made him think the hills and big sky would heal my broken heart with his passing. I think God put those words on his lips and he said them. I don't remember my dad ever hesitating with pursuing God in word or deed. He was a man of action.
As the novelty of this first year comes to a end I am truly amazed at the hand of God as He has brought me around the bend and shown me His Glory. Today at church the pastor asked "What has God done for you?". I wanted to say "He has healed me and bound up my broken heart". He has brought me back to life - I feel like how Lazarus must have felt as they removed the wrappings of death and his eyes beheld the sun again. I am alive again! What a fitting date to reflect on new life! One of my patient's told me spring is the time for change and my departure from Indiana was timed well. Geesh- I hadn't even planned that last year. But God sure did!
Working with my many patients has also been encouraging. I'm embracing my curly hair for the first time in my life. Currently, I have decided to grow it out. Nothing beats hearing another sweet grey haired woman compliment my crazy curls. That seems like such a trivial thing but for me it is huge. I've taken up taekwondo with Nate (who is a blue belt already) and drive 45 minutes 3-4x's a week for lessons. (I tried the cardio kickboxing class he offered but thought I was going to have a heart attack!) But taekwondo is invigorating and the sparring against the instructor was fun and not as scary as I imagined! I'm negotiating with my Lakota friends to join me in taking Lakota language courses. Just yesterday, I learned how to hem some pants and did it. Today I painted my toenails blue. On the warm days, I drive with the windows down and don't worry about how really wild my hair will be.
My words for this year are "why not". I am free to pursue God and free to be who I really am in Him. I am free to live and laugh and enjoy. Maybe you are thinking that I've gone crazy or will go to far. Grace is one of those scary words that Christians worry over. I feel I have gone a bit crazy- I mean what 40 year old woman paints their toenails a bright blue and takes up taekwondo to pursue a black belt? I like to think of G.K. Chesterton's words from Orthodoxy about the sane and the insane. Of course lengthy and wordy but well worth the read!
"The last thing that can be said of a lunatic is that his actions are causeless. If any human acts may loosely be called causeless, they are the minor acts of a healthy man; whistling as he walks; slashing the grass with a stick; kicking his heels or rubbing his hands. It is the happy man who does the useless things; the sick man is not strong enough to be idle. It is exactly such careless and causeless actions that the madman could never understand; for the madman (like the determinist) generally sees too much cause in everything. The madman would read a conspiratorial significance into those empty activities. He would think that the lopping of the grass was an attack on private property. He would think that the kicking of the heels was a signal to an accomplice. If the mad man could for an instant become careless, he would become sane. Every one who has had the misfortune to talk with people in the heart or on the edge of a mental disorder, knows that their most sinister quality is a horrible clarity of detail; a connecting of one thing with another in a map more elaborate than a maze."
I like to think of it as embracing the mystery of God's plan in my life and allowing myself to enjoy the ride. Instead of searching and worrying about the next bend, I'm leaning back and throwing up my hands to His grace. I feel much like a little girl again looking at my heavenly Father and seeing Him wave me on. Go climb that gigantic slide. The ride is worth far more than the worry of the climb. Sure I could fall and break my neck- but I could just as easily die sitting here typing this silly blog. That sure would be funny- "I wonder why her toenails were blue?" and "why are they burying her in the taekwondo uniform?"! Dear family- please do! Well- I mean display me that way and then cremate me. God has a much better outfit awaiting me and I'll let the little ones in heaven paint my toenails! It would be quite a story to tell those astonished grievers that I wanted to be remembered pursuing God and enjoying life along the way.
Ah the mystery of God that He calls us in the 21st century to believe in the fairy tale. How God loves us so much that He sent His Son- Jesus. That He fulfilled every prophecy down to the smallest details including riding a colt into Jerusalem. He beckons us with the promise of Heaven with only a simple step of trusting Him and accepting Jesus as the ONLY way. Not our works, not our reasoning, not some solid proof- nay only simple faith like that of a child, His child. That is what we are regardless of the pretending. Today I celebrate the arrival of Jesus upon the scene. His face set like flint toward death because of the vision around the bend. And I set my face- with crazy curls and blue toenails- in anticipation of the bend. Joyful and childlike, I embrace the unfolding of His plan!
