the woman with the alabaster jar...

You ask why this woman, why she would throw such extravagance in a leper's house... I guess I wonder why more of us don't...

If she was Mary, THE Mary who chose better and sat at that feet of Jesus rather than worry about lunch...

If she was Mary, THE Mary who looked Jesus in the eye and said "if you had been here..."

The Mary who wept two days as her brother lay cold...

The Mary who watched Jesus grieve...

And then, here comes the catalyst,

The Mary who saw with her own eyes death triumphed on this side of the River...

Why wouldn't she do something so raw and yet beautiful, fearless and dangerous... Won't we all when we see Him conquer death... Real death!? Won't we all cast down our crowns at His feet!?

Have you tasted death? Have you had that moment of raw pain when after weeping for days? The Messiah drops by and you cry out... "If only you had been here..."

In precepts, Karla talked about living between this world's "life" (our best moments) and "death" (those moments of intense pain). That we strive to avoid "death" and seek only "life". Our own little version of living. And how pitifully small that world is. Those words have stuck with me.

I have read about Him resurrecting the dead, read about Him defying His own grave, met Him in front of my Father's real tomb, and my brother's figurative tomb, even my own "death" tombs... I have said to Him, "if only"...

I have spent much time living in that shallow land of my poorly defined life and death and decided no more.

I've been stepping out in faith and joyfully realizing that it wasn't death.

My father's death five years ago... (Can still feel like death but only if we think tombs are the end of the story!)
talking to people isn't death (still a work in progress!),
going back to college isn't death (I actually love it quite a bit!)
Nate's illness when he was little (even if arthritis continues to lurk in his life)
my oldest boy, in anger, leaving home the day after Christmas... (that continues to be a huge stretch of faith in the face of a really large rock blocking that tomb... How I long to see what He is doing)

And this moment I am in right now... It is not death!

Well you get the idea. Some things have been little steps of faith and others huge agonizing hardships I haven't understood... But none of it has been real death! And I have found great joy in telling the Father thank-you each time I realize the lies I had believed were only smoke and mirrors.

So live, boldly and fearless for Him. And encourage others to live likewise! Each of us have a tomb we long to meet Him at. A tomb where the death stench keeps us away. Won't it be awesome to watch "Lazarus" come out and help unwrap death to life in each other... And won't it be even more wonderful on the other side when all this world explodes in His glory!

And when we fail, as we will, He offers us His cup of forgiveness... And we pick up our crosses and follow Him...

Thanks for helping me send this boy to Nepal with great joy... He is one of my five highly treasured perfumes. Be it to sickness, a journey of hardships, or to the heights following God, I want to pour these jars over Him ... With much boldness even in the face of fear.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?"

Some day ... some glorious day all these tombs will crack open and we dead will LIVE

We are the sheep of His pasture

Up early this morning. Listened to an old clip of Rich Mullins talking about a trip to Asia where he heard a sermon on the Good Shepherd. He said how interesting it was to hear the sermon from the perspective of someone who has never seen a sheep or knows about shepherding. They don't have those in the particular country he was in. The pastor then put a lot of effort into understanding what these creatures were and why they were raised. That part got me.

Sheep are raised for wool, milk, or meat. Now granted there might be one or two places that keep a sheep or two for a pet. But the main reason to have, keep, and put up with sheep are for wool, milk, or meat. And wool is only for so long... eventually they all are butchered for the shepherd. wow...

Here in America, I think we tend to view our little Christian selves as cute little lambs, frolicking on the plush hills (or at least we would like to), finding ourselves hunted by the big bad wolf, and occasionally rescued by the Good Shepherd. We are His pets that He created to hang out with. Right? It really is all about me! Right?

But to think about the real reason a shepherd has sheep. To think about Him wanting us for what we can provide to Him or His family. To think about my fluffy coat being taken (with or without my offering it) to be used by the Shepherd. To bless, to comfort, to give to others. My fluffy coat are the words, deeds, and things that God can use to provide for His family. That I can offer all of that in complete joy to His cause knowing that is why He keeps me around.

Or how about that milk. Has God gifted you with the ability to nourish others. I think of teachers, parents, pastors, etc that God feeds on His abundant hills so that you can lay around gorged? No, He has given to you that you might give life to others.

And lastly to think of why most sheep were kept in Israel. To be sacrificed at Passover. God keeps us to eat us.  He intends that we will die. Die to our little worlds that we fabricate. Die to our dreams. Die to our plans. Die to what we want or demand that God give us.  Die. Die. Die.

We are all going to die. We can die on some forsaken hill by a shepherd who could care less for us or we can die healthy and fat by the Good Shepherd's hand, fulfilling what He has asked of us. People like to talk about God having a plan for you, and how great it will be. Yeah... it's death. Only through death will there be abundant life.  That is His plan and God doesn't have a plan B. You can either accept it and be a part of His plan and experience pure JOY in that, or you can die on some forsaken hill, ravaged by disease and not even be worthy to be eaten.

He is the Good Shepherd and I want to be His lamb...I want to experience real joy. I want to be with Him. I want to be fat and healthy enough to be chosen for sacrifice. But until then, He can have my coat and milk to share. That is why He's keeping me around. I want to be useful to Him.

Of course that means I need to stay out of the briers and follow His voice. Ouch... my toes hurt too.

exchanging the Christmas gifts

Have you exchanged any gifts this year?

Today I received a gift my sister sent me. It was a perfect gift for me. She knows me so well and found just the right book to keep me busy for awhile. Her gift says that she knows me, sees me, and is confident enough of that to go out and get this for me.

Today we also began studying Romans in community. Chapter 1 talks of exchanges. My eye caught on that word. I kept thinking of all those gifts we give and receive. I thought of the real Gift we have been given.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son..."

In Romans and even today, "they" exchanged

• the glory of the immortal God for idols
• the truth about God for a lie
• natural sexual relations for unnatural ones

And God, who gives, gave them over...

• in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity
• to shameful lusts
• to a depraved mind

I thought about what the exchange says. I don't like this. It won't fit me. You don't know me very well. You don't see me. In our rejection of God, we state that to Him. I will not take death, this accident, or this event from your hand. I can't believe you would ask this of me. You don't see me. All these are lies given to us by the father of lies.

I want to continue in faith. I want to trust the Giver. I know that might seem crazy when the world around me falls apart. If I fall apart. But He has never lied.

This year I don't want to exchange His gifts.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, 'The righteous shall live by faith.'"