Pressing on in gratitude

 

      The other day a co-worker asked me what I was thankful for... wow if he only knew how my life has changed in a year! Look at this beautiful sight I come home to each day! I took this after our first snowfall out here in South Dakota. Nearly every morning I look out the windows from my bed and smile at the wonder of the Father's love for me. 

     No everything isn't perfect out here. In fact some days and weeks feel difficult and bleak. But I marvel at how He has sustained me and refreshed my soul when I have needed Him most. I see His beautiful rolling hills, the grasses dancing in His presence, the sky with clouds and sunsets reminding me of His never ending encore of love, and the stars that I gaze upon- they declare His glory throughout the universe just for those who look up to see.

      I love this country and I love these people. I have been privileged to be a part in the lives of my patients on their road to healing. I have great co-workers who do their job well and with great kindness for their patients. I have ventured into a new church family (I miss you Valley Springers). And best of all, those quiet gentle folks I love with easy laughs as we sit side by side- God continues to bring us together when I most need the refreshment.

      So here I sit, cozy in my little house in the rolling prairies. This Thanksgiving Day I long to tell you to chase after the Father. When He burdens your heart for someone or something, keep begging Him why and if there would be anything He desires of you to do. If it be prayer, pray. If it be give, then give.  If it be go, then by all means go!

 

     Sometimes on the hard days, I stop and think... if I died today or this very moment, am I where I feel the Father wants me? Am I doing what He wants me to do? I have no regrets on this choice. I do miss you my friends and family...  

But - I am well and it is well with my soul...

I send you my love friends and family!

Press on...

An Experiment in Faith

An Experiment in Faith

Where does one begin telling of an adventure? I tend to tell long stories full of details that may seem insignificant to others but I feel are a part of the beauty of the story.  I’ll fast forward this tale trusting you already know of our passion and deep appreciation of the Lakota and the prairie. That seems somewhat tragic to leave out those very huge realities because they are the weight and essence of our plan. Those realities are framed with the Father as our sure foundation and carpenter of His plan. Tell me you get that already… let me see your eyes shine with agreement before I continue…

Now I need to know that you also are full of a desire for adventure. Yes, you might not travel far within your community and live a rather ordinary life. But don’t you have a side that longs to do something completely irrational and reckless. If you knew at any time you could snap your fingers and the adventure could be reversed (just in case things went south), wouldn’t you like to really LIVE wild and free. I think we all feel that way regardless of age. Perhaps I read it in Lewis or Chesterton- but I believe it is another truth of the reality of the Father’s creation.

So, this tale begins with a choice, a very clear and decisive choice. Through the many details and events of the past seven years as well as some other huge defining moments, I found myself with a degree as an Occupational Therapy Assistant and began looking for a job. This is no easy task and the recruiters were less then pleased to learn I wasn’t really sure where I would like to work. On a whim and whispered prayer, I checked the area of SD hoping that just maybe God would say yes. Fast forward through all of those miracles, and you find me faced with one of the hardest decisions of my life. A job is available and hour from the community I love, the interview goes great, the pay is small, and I am standing on the brink of a life changing moment.

Now obviously to those who know- I took the leap of faith towards God. He has never failed me and I decided to risk my future in His hands. I know I possibly could have misread His intentions and have made some error along this path. But I believe that God can and will correct me. I would beg you to not minimize the mighty hand of the Father to do this in your life. He is able to save- able to redeem, and able to move. Our choice in all those matters, are similar to a relationship between a two year old and a father. God is bigger than your mistakes- and all the ragamuffins shout “AMEN!”

I write this surrounded by the hills, prairie, and mixture of the Lakota I love and the other locals I am coming to love. My mom is keeping me company. Together we have settled on a newsletter/blog of sorts. I am hoping we will share this platform and you will get a chance to hear her words as well. I’m not sure there will be much of a chronological sequence to the posts. As the words come, we will record them. Our desire is to convey the results of our experiment and allow the reader to know more about our journey of faith. I’ll close with this:

·         Romans 1:17 “For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, “The righteous shall live by faith.”

·         Hebrews 11:1 “Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for the conviction of “things not seen”.

·         Hebrews 11: 6 “And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him.”  

Come and join us on this experiment of faith in the Almighty God…

 

the woman with the alabaster jar...

You ask why this woman, why she would throw such extravagance in a leper's house... I guess I wonder why more of us don't...

If she was Mary, THE Mary who chose better and sat at that feet of Jesus rather than worry about lunch...

If she was Mary, THE Mary who looked Jesus in the eye and said "if you had been here..."

The Mary who wept two days as her brother lay cold...

The Mary who watched Jesus grieve...

And then, here comes the catalyst,

The Mary who saw with her own eyes death triumphed on this side of the River...

Why wouldn't she do something so raw and yet beautiful, fearless and dangerous... Won't we all when we see Him conquer death... Real death!? Won't we all cast down our crowns at His feet!?

Have you tasted death? Have you had that moment of raw pain when after weeping for days? The Messiah drops by and you cry out... "If only you had been here..."

In precepts, Karla talked about living between this world's "life" (our best moments) and "death" (those moments of intense pain). That we strive to avoid "death" and seek only "life". Our own little version of living. And how pitifully small that world is. Those words have stuck with me.

I have read about Him resurrecting the dead, read about Him defying His own grave, met Him in front of my Father's real tomb, and my brother's figurative tomb, even my own "death" tombs... I have said to Him, "if only"...

I have spent much time living in that shallow land of my poorly defined life and death and decided no more.

I've been stepping out in faith and joyfully realizing that it wasn't death.

My father's death five years ago... (Can still feel like death but only if we think tombs are the end of the story!)
talking to people isn't death (still a work in progress!),
going back to college isn't death (I actually love it quite a bit!)
Nate's illness when he was little (even if arthritis continues to lurk in his life)
my oldest boy, in anger, leaving home the day after Christmas... (that continues to be a huge stretch of faith in the face of a really large rock blocking that tomb... How I long to see what He is doing)

And this moment I am in right now... It is not death!

Well you get the idea. Some things have been little steps of faith and others huge agonizing hardships I haven't understood... But none of it has been real death! And I have found great joy in telling the Father thank-you each time I realize the lies I had believed were only smoke and mirrors.

So live, boldly and fearless for Him. And encourage others to live likewise! Each of us have a tomb we long to meet Him at. A tomb where the death stench keeps us away. Won't it be awesome to watch "Lazarus" come out and help unwrap death to life in each other... And won't it be even more wonderful on the other side when all this world explodes in His glory!

And when we fail, as we will, He offers us His cup of forgiveness... And we pick up our crosses and follow Him...

Thanks for helping me send this boy to Nepal with great joy... He is one of my five highly treasured perfumes. Be it to sickness, a journey of hardships, or to the heights following God, I want to pour these jars over Him ... With much boldness even in the face of fear.

"The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear?"

Some day ... some glorious day all these tombs will crack open and we dead will LIVE

We are the sheep of His pasture

Up early this morning. Listened to an old clip of Rich Mullins talking about a trip to Asia where he heard a sermon on the Good Shepherd. He said how interesting it was to hear the sermon from the perspective of someone who has never seen a sheep or knows about shepherding. They don't have those in the particular country he was in. The pastor then put a lot of effort into understanding what these creatures were and why they were raised. That part got me.

Sheep are raised for wool, milk, or meat. Now granted there might be one or two places that keep a sheep or two for a pet. But the main reason to have, keep, and put up with sheep are for wool, milk, or meat. And wool is only for so long... eventually they all are butchered for the shepherd. wow...

Here in America, I think we tend to view our little Christian selves as cute little lambs, frolicking on the plush hills (or at least we would like to), finding ourselves hunted by the big bad wolf, and occasionally rescued by the Good Shepherd. We are His pets that He created to hang out with. Right? It really is all about me! Right?

But to think about the real reason a shepherd has sheep. To think about Him wanting us for what we can provide to Him or His family. To think about my fluffy coat being taken (with or without my offering it) to be used by the Shepherd. To bless, to comfort, to give to others. My fluffy coat are the words, deeds, and things that God can use to provide for His family. That I can offer all of that in complete joy to His cause knowing that is why He keeps me around.

Or how about that milk. Has God gifted you with the ability to nourish others. I think of teachers, parents, pastors, etc that God feeds on His abundant hills so that you can lay around gorged? No, He has given to you that you might give life to others.

And lastly to think of why most sheep were kept in Israel. To be sacrificed at Passover. God keeps us to eat us.  He intends that we will die. Die to our little worlds that we fabricate. Die to our dreams. Die to our plans. Die to what we want or demand that God give us.  Die. Die. Die.

We are all going to die. We can die on some forsaken hill by a shepherd who could care less for us or we can die healthy and fat by the Good Shepherd's hand, fulfilling what He has asked of us. People like to talk about God having a plan for you, and how great it will be. Yeah... it's death. Only through death will there be abundant life.  That is His plan and God doesn't have a plan B. You can either accept it and be a part of His plan and experience pure JOY in that, or you can die on some forsaken hill, ravaged by disease and not even be worthy to be eaten.

He is the Good Shepherd and I want to be His lamb...I want to experience real joy. I want to be with Him. I want to be fat and healthy enough to be chosen for sacrifice. But until then, He can have my coat and milk to share. That is why He's keeping me around. I want to be useful to Him.

Of course that means I need to stay out of the briers and follow His voice. Ouch... my toes hurt too.

exchanging the Christmas gifts

Have you exchanged any gifts this year?

Today I received a gift my sister sent me. It was a perfect gift for me. She knows me so well and found just the right book to keep me busy for awhile. Her gift says that she knows me, sees me, and is confident enough of that to go out and get this for me.

Today we also began studying Romans in community. Chapter 1 talks of exchanges. My eye caught on that word. I kept thinking of all those gifts we give and receive. I thought of the real Gift we have been given.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son..."

In Romans and even today, "they" exchanged

• the glory of the immortal God for idols
• the truth about God for a lie
• natural sexual relations for unnatural ones

And God, who gives, gave them over...

• in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity
• to shameful lusts
• to a depraved mind

I thought about what the exchange says. I don't like this. It won't fit me. You don't know me very well. You don't see me. In our rejection of God, we state that to Him. I will not take death, this accident, or this event from your hand. I can't believe you would ask this of me. You don't see me. All these are lies given to us by the father of lies.

I want to continue in faith. I want to trust the Giver. I know that might seem crazy when the world around me falls apart. If I fall apart. But He has never lied.

This year I don't want to exchange His gifts.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith for faith, as it is written, 'The righteous shall live by faith.'"

How "much-afraid" is becoming "Grace in Glory"

for your viewing pleasure... precepts and Hinds' Feet expanded... If you click on the first picture, blogger will put the pictures in an easier to view slide show format. You can see my awesome drawings better :)




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Now I know the real "Much-Afraid" became "Grace and Glory" in the book... but I liked my typo "Grace in Glory" and kept it... because this is my blog and well... I can :) May you jump off the cliffs of insanity safety... and join me here in the Shadowlands. If you don't jump that is ok... I didn't either. He will get you off. That's the breaks... He loves us just that much... Oh look, there is another flower!





provoked

"What provokes in you a sense of despair and death?"

Ugh. These questions can split you to the marrow. So I go there and think about that this Sunday morning service. It isn't very hard. After my father passed away...

It sits like that hanging... it has been almost five years and we have been changed forever. Death has come only for us to realize it was always here.  

So what provokes that now? Why just about anything! I take a look at creation and I see it there. When I look at my life, I see it there. When I look at others, I see it there. Broken and messy, this life reeks death. How to live in that pain?

I have lived. It was almost that simple. Life just kept on spinning and I couldn't get off. And I argued with God and I raged inside and He didn't let go. He forced me to breathe and He rooted me deep. He invited me to look and see.

Well you can only hold your breath and cover your eyes for so long. And God being God doesn't let us be. Praise God that He doesn't.

I began to see and hear what He was saying in the midst of all that grief. I heard Him silent first. His silence thundered in my ears and I wondered where He was. He let me stay there long enough to feel desperate, desperate for Him.

And the reeling stopped and I grew still. This song is one I can't sing completely through. My dad was on oxygen. I have had asthma all my life. And I can't even explain what this song does to me. So I won't. But if you have ever had a really severe asthma attack~ you might just get it.

God quietly came closer in that silence until I opened my eyes and realized He was right there. And I made this thankful list and I began to see Him. And He was everywhere. Everywhere death was, He was too. His fingerprints and promises wrapped betrayed Him. I saw Him wooing His creation, wooing me. Trust Him. Hope. Believe.

And me, I did.

Now don't get me wrong... life's not peaches now and I can tell you just last week I hit rock bottom (or so I thought) and felt quite desperate. But I knew where to go, and I stepped out even though I wanted to step in. Well after a few days of standing there and arguing, I stepped out.

Pastor shared Haggai with us today. But he started us on the front side of captivity here.  You live, work, have kids, and care for your place of community. Remember you have been captured. It was easy to do that with freedom. But in captivity? It's right there in black and white.

But then we went to the backside of captivity. What to do when the glory of the temple just isn't the same? When you weep rather than sing (Ezra)? What does God say?

You can read for yourself here. But I took "be strong", "and work", and "DO NOT FEAR". (Caps... nice, I need that!)

Mixed in all that, God says, 

"I am with you."

"I WILL shake the heavens and the earth."

"And in this place, I will grant peace." (in this place of death? YES!)

"I will bless you/" (How did He know that was what my heart longed for.)

And the last part has a cross reference in my Bible to the Song of Solomon.... "and I will make you like a signet ring, for I have chosen you."

ah... to be chosen by the Almighty who calls the stars by name. Can I not be strong, work, and not fear with those promises? On my own, no... but covered and lavished by His Grace... YES!